TO GENDER OR NOT TO GENDER
- Mar 28, 2016
- 2 min read
Last week I read an interview on Vice, how it’s like to raise your child gender neutral. The first thought that popped in to my mind was: wow, that must be hard, from the perspective as a parent, I think it’s great, but very hard to put it in to practice in todays society. But then I started thinking from the perspective of the kid, and how it can benefit from such parenting.
When I was little, my parents thought me discrimination was a bad thing. That it were mean people saying unpleasant things about people with a different skin color. I think that this was the right way to explain discrimination to a young child. In this explanation there is no such thing as preconceptions or convictions towards an individual, only on acts. Now that I am a grown individual, I know that anyone can be discriminated in every way. As soon as an individual deviates from the norm one can be a target. But what if young kids get notice of that? Will they live like that what is accepted by society, within the box they were born?
Or should kids be able to define themselves, before society places a stamp on them before they are even born? A stamp of what they are, and a stamp on what they shall accept when they are older? The arguments of Miranda, the interviewee, to raise her child gender-neutral are valid if you ask me. She explains: “I am a feminist. A basic tenet of feminism is that everyone is limited by gender roles and expectations arising therefrom. I try to reduce this with my parenting. I want my child can develop a personality and character, and can detect its own needs and interests. ''
I think this can reduce discrimination and improve acceptation, because this way the kids can decide themselves what they believe is the norm. Miranda also says in the interview that they as the parents of the kid are just one influencing factor. It’s the one that teaches that everything and everyone is okay, as long as it makes you happy. The kids have lots of other factors that show all the opportunities: of being girl or a boy, what toys to play with and what to wear. If they taste a little of everything I think it’s more likely that they’ll accept that everybody is different.
Now, I asked myself if I would raise my kid gender-neutral if – one day – I will be blessed to have one. And however I really cheer it, I am not sure if I’ll do the same as Miranda in this time. What I would do, is parent flexible: let him wear a dress if he wants to, and let her play with cars, but with the awareness of its gender. I would support letting go of stereotyping and clichés because that’s not today’s society anymore. Yet I can’t really define either why I wouldn’t parent gender-neutral, I think that at this point the idea of putting that in to practice doesn’t weigh up to the extra benefits of gender-neutral above flexible parenting.
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